This story is not intended for those individuals under the age of eighteen, or for those individuals who are unusually sensitive to adult or sexually oriented materials. For the rest of you, enjoy.
VENUS OF URBINO -- REVISITED
by Ken Charles
“Welcome to Room Twenty-eight. This room, of course, is dominated by two of Titian’s greatest works, Flora and the incomparable Venus of Urbino, which is also occasionally called Venus with a Little Dog. Since time is limited, we are going to ignore Flora, and concentrate on Venus, which was completed in 1538. However, much scholarship has been wasted on writings about its allegorical nature depicting the purity of marital love. It is quite clear from the composition that the piece was intended as nothing more than cover artwork for a lesbian illuminated text. Note, initially, that there are three people in the picture, or a triad. Noting that all three are women, it is only a minor step from triad to tribade. Venus herself, of course, is nothing more than a heartless, little bitch. Despite her angelic looks, her baser nature is revealed by the dog curled at her feet.
“Now, please focus on the two maids in the upper right corner. Some of the less astute commentaries that you’ll find in overpriced guide books suggest that the two maids are rummaging whimsically in the open chest. These guides miss the blatant message that was patently clear to the consumer in Titian’s day. The maid on the floor is, indeed, rummaging in the chest. But note her position, kneeling, bent forward with her buttocks prominently displayed for Venus’s viewing pleasure. The standing maid is rolling up her sleeve, preparing for a lengthy workout with whichever flail or rod the kneeling maid selects from the chest. Venus, meanwhile, has her left hand at the ready, waiting for the show to begin.
“Time is short. Please stay together as we move to Room Twenty-nine.”
“Sir, you are the curator, and it is still your call. I know tour bookings are up eighty-seven percent since she started, but I still think you need to review her resume.”
CK copyright 2008. Moral rights to be identified as the author of the foregoing article asserted worldwide (including in Great Britain in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patent Act of 1988)
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